Nils Steinbagel takes over VivianBreathesNYC

HELLO everybody, 

Before you say it... I know. I know it's been a while and I could give you some shitake mushroom excuse as to why (I was busy/My cat died/I don't own a cat/I'm in the IB etc etc.) But the real reason is that I found out that actually a lot of the peeps at UNIS read this little online diary of mine and I had a mini-freakout. All good now :) Back to blogging we go. 

This post is actually extra-super-duper special, because I am not the only contributor. Mister Nils Steinbuegl (Steinbagel), my friend, is the author of the main part of this post. I actually don't even know why I let him do this...A bet? A copyright violation of pictures which resulted in blackmailing me? Who can remember? BUT when I actually read what he wrote, I loved it and would've put it up anyway, even if my cat's life WASN'T hanging in the balance. (Viv, you don't own a cat, you don't even like them. Yes, I know, Viv, thanks.)

...

Nils is the one with hipster glasses on the left. The others are just not important... 

Ok-ok, JOKING. From left to right - Nils, Nicky (shadows make it looks like he has razor sharp cheekbones), Alice (with the ever so fetching snapback), Andrei (with THE hair) and Tim (who is blackbutbritish). LOVE YOU GUYS :) Also there is someone who just appeared in the photo we've started calling Red-Lip-Soccer-Mom-Chipmunk-Weirdo. Photographer: Tim Cargan. 

Without further adieu, NILS- 

Growing Up and Stuff by Nils Steinbuegl

After being tragically informed that I need to keep my writing respectable and accessible to all audiences, my original plans all went out the window. Instead, I thought I'd write a little bit about growing up, meeting new people and how it changes your view of the world and yourself.

On my 17th birthday, I was about as innocent as someone that age can be. I found it both pleasing and concerning. Why was I not going out having fun? In the past, I'd excused myself because I spent a bunch of time studying and working for school, but that certainly wasn't the case anymore. I'd simply put myself into a bad place of nothingness, and needed someone to give me a push.

I'm not sure who ended up giving me that push. I'm certain my college aged Internet friends played some role. But besides that? Was it my classmates? Underclassmen? Maybe even my own parents?
About a year ago I spent a night in the city, and it was a huge deal, leading up to it for weeks. Now, I simply text my mom where I'm staying the night, and everything's taken care of. With that in mind, her support certainly played a role in me being more outgoing.

The most direct push probably did come from my closest friends who'd been wanting me to be more active for a long time. Hearing all their wild stories I stopped thinking "Cool. I'm never gonna do that." and started thinking "Damn, I should do that too!"

So, without giving too much detail, I'm now going out and doing things, something I hadn't done since 8th grade. As a result, a lot of my world has changed. I started seeing a much happier world, approaching everything with more positivity and far less cynicism. Also for the first time since 8th grade, I've take an interest in and see the upside of relationships. For some reason, people now come to me seeking advice, because apparently I have quite a way with words. I myself don't yet have the confidence to us them, but at least their being put to use somewhere. Heck, the very fact that I'm writing about this is still mind-blowing.

The biggest aspect of my new outlook on the world are no doubt the people I'm meeting. Well, I already knew most of them, but I'm actually socializing with them now. I'm rekindling old connections and building new ones. I don't end up as a leftover in group work, I go out and make my own group. I don't sit silently in class, I get called out for talking (maybe not a good thing). Most importantly, I've started talking to so many wonderful people.

People that show up to school at 2pm that you meet as you're leaving.
People that refuse to smuggle you into a party, but have no problem following you to one.
People that skip a class at the same time every week without the teacher noticing.
People that message you in the middle of the night asking for help with a relationship, and blackmail you if you don't answer. This one's also the one I call my best friend.
People that threaten to beat you up if you don't ask someone out.
People who I need to do every piece of German homework for.
People who randomly slap your backside and refuse to pay back their debts. (Vivian's note - *cough*)

Clealry, it's wonderful bunch of people who I hang out with. And frankly, I love every single one of them for making my life way better than it would be otherwise.

The past few months have been some of the most turbulent in my life, but I'd be lying if I didn't say they were also some of the best. Going out and doing things is good, even if the world and the people in it seem pretty horrible. I hope you gained something from my story, even if it was just a chuckle.

Love, Nils!

(As for any friends that weren't mentioned, you should take it as a compliment)

The Tongue of New Experiences, Friends & Brothers and Uku-to-the-leles

Hello again,

New York is finally getting over the bad break-up with Winter and moving on to a new, hotter Spring. I mean, I thought New York deserved someone better all along, but does she listen - No! She is mesmerized by the pretty snowflakes and better drinks at Starbucks, while WE - her friends/people who live here - have to deal with the Subway being Out of Business and freezing our fingers off.

I have finally been released from the torture device called the IB and thrown into the abyss of vacation - spring break is here. (Ok, school isn't actually that horrible - it just got a bit overwhelming near the end there.) I am free to do whatever I like!

Fortunately - my friends help me through the weekly panic attacks and continue to strive on with me. And, dear reader, I have some news for you - I, Vivian, FINALLY ate Indian food. I am extensively skeptical of mostly spicy kitchens, since the "extremely Estonian" taste buds on my tongue don't endure any food that could be classified as above "mildly spicy". Even that ranking is a challenge.

But fortunately, my first (conscious) meeting with Indian food went swimmingly.

Alice and Leensa - HUGS :)

(Of course, I am in complete chipmunk mode in this photo - don't even care. )

           These lovely people (who share their food btw) are: Tim, Nils, Leensa and Alice


In other news:

My awesome brother Mikk's birthday is today - HAPPY BIRTHDAY BRO :D (#Shoutout...I am sooo hip. Should I be allowed to be a teenager?) I'm getting an awesome "Happy Your Brother's Birthday"present this year - he'll be visiting us in NYC in a few days. I am BEYOND excited.

In other other news:

I bought a ukulele. :) Yup, I'm expecting the overwhelming need to uproot my life and move to Hawaii to become a surfboarding instructor any day now - hasn't arrived yet. Will have a picture (or even a cover) with the baby soon, but she's still quite shy and doesn't want to come out to play yet.

As I will have more free time on my hands now, you can expect a new blog post soon.

Thank you so much for reading - have a lovely day!

Photos provided by: Tim Cargan (Thanks you very much :)

How NYC has changed me - Let's Look At the Facts, Shall We? (20th Post!)

Hi darling reader!

It is 3:35AM in New York right now. I do not feel tired. I believe that teenagers have a primal instinct to get in at least 1 sleepless night per month - anything else and we feel too grown-up.

Anygays, I was just looking over this little blog here and I realized that a) I haven't written for a while and b) I've kind of already changed as a person a little bit since moving here.

So I'd like to compose a list (Oh yay, I love those) of how the 16-year old wide-eyed Estonian girl that just moved to the big city differs from me now:

1) I have a wider perspective on my place in the universe. 

When I was a little kid I watched a show on TV called: "Buratino Tegutseb Jälle", it was something similar to Pinocchio. I was in love with all the characters - that show represents my childhood. When the show ended its long run, there was an interview with all of the actors and BTS crowd.

And one of them (I sadly can't recall who) said: "You know, Estonia is so small, that you can't really do anything big. You're not really famous here."

You see, as a 2nd grader, this struck me as absolutely insane. The whole country - being called small? How can that be?

As I've grown up, I've gradually begun to realize what he meant.

I've begun to realize how small this country on the coast of the Baltic Sea really is...And how special too.

It humbles and terrifies me to think that I'm a minuscule fraction of a speck of dust in human existence. I am so unbelievably small. (Even though my butt just got the compliment: "Damn gurl, your booty's so big, you've got a black girl butt." But that's another story.)

2) I appreciate Estonia more. 

I've always loved my homeland. Undeniably. When you move around a lot as a kid it's nice to have an anchor to hold on to, I guess.

But the time I've been here, that bond has only gotten stronger. I'm glad to tell them about my little country in the Baltics. We just got nominated for an Oscar, damn it!

If I see another Estonian here an instant bond is made. (Seriously, ran into an Estonian girl at a party once - she spent the whole night listening to me say: "jäääär"...She might've been slightly intoxicated, but she was still a lovely girl.)

I'm also very glad of the fact that I got a job in an Estonian company here. I work for Estofoods, promoting rye bread (leib ;) in markets. I just had my first gig. It was awesome :)

Furthermore, I'm looking forward to going home too. I know, I'll appreciate the summer to come so much more.

3) I now know that the "NYC lifestyle" they advertise in "Sex and The City" has some truth in it, but it's just mostly bullpoopy. 

Yes, I've gone to Starbucks. Yes, I've had bagels. Yes, I've complained about not getting a cab to my friend on the Iphone. Yes, I've gone to Macy's (haven't bought anything though - very expensive). And yes, I do try to avoid Times Sq a little bit - It's TOO crowded, I've got stuff to do. (And yes, I've also started walking faster.)

But actually the NYC glamorous lifestyle isn't some magical thing you will automatically have when you move here - what you'll have here is just your life. And that can be much more special than whatever Carrie Bradshaw could be up to.

Those little NYC quirks will come naturally if you want them to. You're not handed a "This is How-To New York", please follow these instructions.

This city is full of people doing their own thing - that's why there's no handbook. I don't think we actually need one.

4) I have made the bond between girl and theatre stronger than ever. 

I can't let go anymore. Music, theatre and film have crawled their way into my heart and they're never letting go.
Julie Andrews won't let me. (I still love her. If you ever read this, Julie, I will personally gather up every favorite thing you listed and give them to you as a present.)

Also, "Chaundria and the Giant" (previously known as "Fish In a Tree" just had it's debut on the stage. I talked about the play in my previous post.

The musical was a huge success, it was a crime that we only got to perform it twice. It was incredible what we accomplished with just 5 rehearsal days!

I am so very happy that I got to be a part of this amazing cast, they are all incredibly talented.

And whether they read this blog or not, whether they know or not - they helped me discover a bit more of myself as a performer and as a human being.

THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART :)

Keep flying those sausages and having ratty-patties!

5) I can almost-kind-of write. 

Seriously. I never knew this!

I love to make my friends laugh and I've kept journals for a long time, but I never thought I'd be the kind of person whose words on paper (computer screen) would make people chuckle. Yet, so many of you have said that they like what they're reading. Thank you to you guys.

I guess I just needed the right push and the right material - thanks NYC!

And as if I haven't said "Thank you" in this blog enough -- my everlasting gratitude for reading!

The Time Viv Told You That SHE WAS IN A MUSICAL IN NYC!

Day 6 of Blogathon of Wonderfullness of 2015


HI! :) I hope you liked the random-ness that ensued in the last two days. In today's post I actually have some news to share with you.

I've been accepted into a musical production called "Fish In a Tree" by Three Act Theatre Company here in NYC.

...I don't even. I just. I CAN'T EVEN. Yes, I'm using the most used Internet phrase in 2014 and I don't care.

This is a photograph from our first rehearsal yesterday:

(I'm definitely there - the blonde hair just combines with the wall really well...)















I actually auditioned for it in December of last year. I saw the ad on Facebook of all pages and thought it was an awesome opportunity.

The mission statement really stood out to me - "Everything we do, we believe in creating a better world for the generations that follow. A world that recognizes we are one planet, one consciousness, one human race. We believe in being that change."

The way it's set up is that I, as a student, get to learn from the actors in the company, while being in the production. It did have an academic fee, but for what they're offering, it's not a lot for New York.

I went in for the audition completely nervous - absolutely shaking. It was a 2h process - we had to learn a dance routine, perform it, sing, recite a prepared monologue and do some improv with the script.

When I got the e-mail that I'd been accepted...Imagine this times a hundred:

I'm playing a few small parts, have a few lines and I'm going to try out to be an understudy for a bigger role. Don't know yet :)

The play is REALLY cute - it's a fairytale about princesses, giants, princes, dragons etc. WITH some little twists. The brilliant writers have updated it to include some great comedy and also some tear-jerking moments.

I'll update you on how the rehearsals are going as we go along. Right now, I'm just really happy to be a part of it.


Thank you for reading ;) (One more day to go on the blogathon. I'm feeling that burn.)

Random Facts About the Blogger You Sometimes Read Whenever She Bothers to GET OFF HER MEDIUM-SIZED HEINY (Part 2)

Day 5 of the Blogathon of Awesome in 2015

I'm just so ready to get started with this post. If you're joining us now and you don't know what the *bleep* is going on, scroll down to the post right before this one ;)

Time to answer the rest of the questions:

26: Things you have in common with your parents?

My dad and I both love Top Gear. My mom and I both love the musical "Mamma Mia". She promised that if I ever happened to get married, She and her girlfriends would dress up in platform heels, costumes and sing "Super Trouper".

27. What is to the right of you?

My polaroid camera! It's all purple and prints out photographs and stuff. I got it to myself as a Christmas present. 

28: A favorite memory with a sibling?

I remember a birthday party once. It was one of those "let's get the whole family together" type deals. And my brother Mikk and I were just greeting our guests, when our relatives with 3 young (absoulutely beautiful) daughters walk in. You can already hear the girls arguing, pulling each other's hair etc. (they're about 7, 5 and 3 years old) and my brother sends me this look of "Holy hell! Chaos! HELP!" What do I do in this situation? I turn my head towards him very slowly, with an absolutely serious look, crack my knuckles (as I if I was going to fight someone) and say: "I've got this." He bursts out laughing, can't stop for 2 minutes. I love that memory because it's the one actual time I remember that I've made him laugh like that. He is unbelievably funny and as the younger sister (He's 9 and a 1/2 years older than me) it's hard to get him to laugh as hard, as he makes me laugh. 

29: What is something you wish you'd done?

30: What are some of your favorite Youtube channels?

I love Carrie Hope Fletcher, Superwoman, Danisnotonfire and AmaizingPhil, Anna Akana, Vlogbrothers, Buzzfeed, SourceFed, BarleyPolitical etc. (I spend way too much time on YouTube...)

31: Do you sing in the shower?

My dad has to remind me not to sing so loudly that the neighbors don't complain. Also I waste more water like that so I need to manage it. 

32: Something others have described you as...

Positive or energetic. Those are the two that ALWAYS come up. 








33: Name of every pet you've had...
I've had 2 hamsters - Hamsu and Hamsu Junior.

34: Your favorite superhero?

I like Spiderman :)











35: Two of your fears are...
Having no friends and everything involving/related to the college/career/the future. 

36: What you're majoring in in college/what you plan to major in...
Did you not read the last question? We do not mention the c-word in this house. 

37: What is your favorite season?

I'll be doing what snowmen do IN SUMMER. (I don't know if I even like summer that much... I just wanted to make a Frozen reference.)












38: The best vacation you took?
Last night in my PJ-s sleeping. Sleep is a vacation.

39: Why your best friends are your best friends.
Their "weird" is actually compatible with mine. They're also very caring and honest. (Absolute creeps, but still :)

40: How did you come across your favorite band/singer?
That is like picking a child. Favourite singer? You know what. I'm going to name an entire company - DISNEY. Whatever it does, I'm probably going to be jammin' to it. I have a Disney problem, I have whole soundtracks of Disney movies memorized.

41: Occupations you wanted as a little kid?
                                                         

I've always wanted to be a singer. 








42: Are you an introvert or extrovert?
Honey, you can't be this chatty and loud without being an extrovert.
This is my holy grail: Youtube link to BUZZFEED

43: When was the last time you drank?
*Cough* Milk? I don't know. This morning!

44: How many pillows do you sleep with?

45: Are you a "safe" driver?
I'm a NON-driver. 

46: Something that's bothering you right now?
That I really need to go to sleep...

47: How many cds do you own?
Here? 1! An "Elephants from Neptune" album I got as a birthday present. 

48: How many books do you own?
About 25 in my NYC bedroom now.

49: How many aunts and uncles do you have?
I have 1 uncle and 2 aunts. 

50: "Top 5" [Something]
Top 5 Favourite Foods:
1) My mom's cheese-milk-carrot-chicken soup
2)Garlic bread
3)Broccoli
4)Chocolate cake
5)Pizza (with pineapple, mushrooms. No olives. I dislike olives :)

THERE WE GO!
That is 50 random questions answered. I'll be back tomorrow with some exciting news ;)

Thank you for reading.

Random Facts About the Blogger You Sometimes Read Whenever She Bothers to GET OFF HER MEDIUM-SIZED HEINY (Part 1)

Day 3-4 of the Great Blogathon of 2015

(I had a physics test I needed to study for - that's why I didn't post anything yesterday. Please don't put me in blogger-jail, I really tried. ((Oh, btw, what is blogger jail, you ask? You have to write EVERYTHING in Comic Sans.)))

Today, I want to do something a bit different with this post. I've written a lot about NYC, the school, significant events etc. yet not a lot about me as a functioning part of society. So today, I thought I'd do something different. I'm going to answer 50 random questions about me. I found them online, someone had just written 'em out and it started a wave of people answering them on various media platforms. Youtubers were all doing this "tag" a while back. 

The first 25 questions today, the latter tomorrow. 

Here we go:

1: What was the last book you read?





I read this book for my higher English class. (Also, I switched by IB subject levels for English and Math. Now I'm doing Higher Level Literature and Standard Level Math.)







2: Do you like roller coasters?




Although they CAN make me hurl like I've just been on a rocking boat and eaten some questionable clams...In amusement parks, I generally just stay away from anything that spins. That doesn't agree with me at all.





3: Day or night?

Night owl (A fabulous one, I might add)











4: What do you hear right now?
Taxis, cars outside my window and my parents watching "Ringvaade" in the living room.

5: What would you name your son or daughter if you had one?

6: Do you want kids? Why or why not?
Yes, probably. I want to sing 7-part harmonies with my kids, like the Von Trappe family from "Sound of Music". Also I'd like to be Julie Andrews...Who doesn't want to be Julie Andrews?

7: What’s your favorite memory with your best friend(s)?
That's a really tough one. A certain evening in August springs to mind - board games, singing silly Russian party songs off of Youtube, getting some Chinese PJ pants for a present and writing my first song on a guitar. That's all you need to know ;)

8: How many times did it take you to pass your driver’s test?

9: The scariest dream you had?
My mind has adapted to block out bad things - so I don't remember...That's why I have no recollection of middle school.

10: How tall are you?
167cm.

11: The last thing you ate was…

A carrot.








12: A singer you want to see live is…
Beyoncè. That woman Tops my Love for her every time she opens her mouth. (Get it? Love On Top? They get it Viv...)

13: Do you have a hero/someone you look up to? If so, who?
My grandma is someone I really look up to. I mean, she uses Facebook, says "Shit Happens", bakes cakes, does yoga AND reads this blog! What's not to idolize? (Kallistused, Mamma ;)

14: Do you like to swim?

15: Things you look for in a guy/girl?
An inner, humorous "weird" that is compatible with mine.

16: Has a book ever upset you?
One of my favourite books - "The Boy With the Cuckoo-Clock Heart" by Mathias Malzieu - has an ending that just broke my heart.

17: What was the first instrument you learned to play? (if any)

The piano was my first instrument. That's actually where I wrote my first melody - It was called "Haige Laul"(in translation "Sick Song") which I wrote with a fever. It was very sad and depressing.







18: Some of your hobbies include…
Stalking people on Facebook. (Secondarily - singing, playing the guitar, acting, reading etc.)

19: How do you deal with anger?
I go work out. Or just try to let it go (*Cough* Elsa, where my gurl at?)
I try not to get angry a lot - rather just deal with the problem and move on. I think the world has enough hate in it to begin with, I don't need to put any more in.

20: Something you like about your appearance is…
My eyes. I like the shade of olive green they usually have, but they're known to change color to a yellow tone too. Like a vampire. Those guys are cool.
Also, my pupils are always really big, which makes everybody go: "Dude, are you high or something?". (Unfortunately, I never am. Or am I? Or aren't I? Oh. My. God. Look at my hand man - how much can you actually do with my hand. Like. WOAH a rainbow.)

21: What was the last movie you watched?
I re-re-re-...-watched "500 Days of Summer" which is my favorite movie of all time.

22: Do you have a favorite ghost story? What about a personal ghost story?

I do not like scary stories at all. Nor horror movies.
So "Ghost of my Girlfriends Past" would be my favorite one.








23: Where is the farthest from home that you've gone?

The Big Apple. But if we're assuming "home" is here now, then Connecticut on a school trip.






24: Have you met anyone through Tumblr that you'd like to meet IRL?
I do not own a Tumblr at the present moment in time... Whoops!

25: Do you look like your parents?

OF COURSE I DO :) (I'd go as far to say, I love them. Oh, so much controversy!)











That's the first half of the 25 questions. I'll see you tomorrow with the rest ;)

I hope you liked this new kind of format.

Have a great day - thank you for reading.

Kafka via  NYC via

The Snowiest Snow Day Where It Snowed And Also My Feet Got Wet From The Snow...Yeah, Snow. (Can You Tell I Like the Snow?)

Day 2 of The Epic Blogathon of January 2015

Today, New York City birthed a miracle. No, we did not find a unicorn lounging in an East Village Cafe. No, The Easter Bunny did not descend from the heavens on a golden donkey and cover the whole city in glitter and Reese's Peanut butter cups. And no, I did not run through Times Square naked like some of you have asked me to on various social media sites. (I'm not doing it, move on with your lives!)

Today...We had a snow day. School was closed, out of business, come back later, no classes today.

Basically:

My friends Andrei, Caio, Nicky, Tim, Katie and I (HA! She thinks she has friends...*Cough* I do, they're awesome) went to Central Park to celebrate. 

The only thing that was slightly off about today were my rubber boots. I wore them because I thought they would be extremely water-resistant. Yeah...Huge mistake, since my socks were wet and frozen in the first five minutes. To top it all off the boots were extraordinarily slippery, so I was doing a kind of mixture of ice-skating and tap dancing for the whole day. 

When I got home I put my feet in some hot water, drank lots of tea and I currently feel fine. I had to put that in here because I know my grandma reads my blog and I don't want her to worry. (Tsau Mamma! Kõik on korras, olen terve. Kalli :) 

I'm going to let the photos do the talking for a little while:

The third photo is a demonstration of what happens when you walk down a snowy hill in my horrible boots.

All of this snow is a result of the snow storm on Monday. Speaking of yesterday - I want to pose a question:

What do you think 6 11th graders would do at lunch break, when snow starts falling on the ground?

a) Sensibly eat their lunch in the cafeteria

b) Sit by the window to admire winter's beauty

c) Have an epic snow ball fight on the roof, involving throwing people in the snow, throwing snow on people/clothes/in clothes/hair/everywhere else.

I'll give you a hint:

The Chipmunk One, Noa, Theo, Michael, Amyn, Andrei

It was ridiculously fun.

I'll see you tomorrow! Thank you for reading :)

(Creds for the all the photos to mister Andrei. Thanks pal!)

I'm Back, Baby - the Tale of A Mystical Estonia and A Standing Proclamation

Hello darling! 

*Kisses both cheeks*

How are you? Haven't talked in such a long time. How's your mother? How'd the holidays go? Oh, mine went well, thank you for asking. 

If you could please imagine that in a Long Island accent, that would be lovely. (Do it. Come on. Did you? It won't be funny if you don't! Go back and read the last few sentences with a Long Island accent!)

...Sorry. It seemed like a cute idea in my head. 

Anyway, here I am again, in my bedroom, sat on my bed, at a time when I really should be sleeping, writing to you.

But because I don't want to make this post as long as a giraffe's scarf, here's what I'll do - I WILL MAKE A STANDING PROCLAMATION. 

I will blog EVERY DAY for the rest of the week. 

The two topics for this snowy Monday's post:

1) New Blog Design

I thought it would be good to start the year off with a new feel to the page. I love that the background is a photo that my mom took of the first time we were in Times Sq.

2) A quick recap of my time in Tallinn 

-- in a word? AWESOME! (In some words crazy, weird, quirky and borderline illegal, but we're not going to mention that here, Vivian, your mom's colleagues read this blog...Hi mom (and perhaps colleague)!) 

I just can't put it into words. So I won't. I made a collage. 

I am so sorry for people who weren't included in the photos, just know you're all included in my heart (also we need to take more selfies together, I has LITERALLY nothing to work with).

My schedule was completely packed. I had slots for people starting from 9AM in the morning - I never fully got over my jetlag. So if I seemed a bit doolally during the time you saw me, I'm sorry. (Oh wait, that could just be me.)

Also a weird thing that happened for a few nights - I couldn't sleep, because it was too quiet. The roaring of taxis that drive past my house, the wind I hear rumbling behind my window and the heater in my room formed a uniformed noise, that ended up comforting me every single night here, like a lullaby. I guess I got used to the unusual melody.

See you tomorrow,

Thanks for reading!